The Wilderness?

Sep 7, 2010 by Kenny

Last night I walked into a Panera Bread Co. for the first time in a very long time. I don’t think I will ever walk into that place without feeling a rush of emotions. It’s the kind of place where the smell, décor, and even the menu will always make me think of a different time. Panera Bread used to be a place we visited often. When we lived in St. Louis, we almost always ate there after church on Sunday and before church on Wednesday nights. I would say we went to the “bagel store,” as our kids called it, three to four times a week. Not always for meals mind you, but yes, I would love to have all that money back now. Panera was also the place where I would spend my Friday mornings. This was final sermon prep time for me. The free wi-fi and fresh coffee allowed me to escape the ringing office phone and concentrate on making sure my Sunday message was ready so that I could enjoy Friday night and Saturday with my family. I loved Friday mornings. When I walked into that Panera last night, I instantly flashed back to those Friday mornings.

Things were very different in our lives then. I was the full time Pastor of a church and with that title came the stresses of the ministry but also the perks. One of those perks is the flexibility of schedule that a full time Pastor enjoys. Here in Noblesville, I work a very rigid schedule. I work four ten hour shifts Wednesday through Saturday. Over the last few weeks my schedule has included mandatory overtime on Tuesdays leaving me with what seems like precious little time with my family. In the “bagel store” last night, I confess I missed St. Louis a little…at least certain parts of it. It made me think of a song by Sara Groves. It’s called “Painting Pictures of Egypt.” The chorus goes like this,

“I’ve been painting pictures of Egypt
Leaving out what it lacked
The future seems so hard
And I want to go back
But the places that used to fit me
Cannot hold the things I”ve learned
And those roads were closed off to me
While my back was turned.”

It’s intended to make us think of the children of Israel who obviously hated Egypt but wanted to go back while they were wandering in the wilderness. Now, I don’t pretend to think myself “in the wilderness.” We LOVE Noblesville and we love living here. I am thrilled to be a part of this church planting team and my job has given me so many opportunities to be salt and light that I have no doubt it is of God. Sometimes however, it does feel hard being here and I find myself “painting pictures of Egypt.” Our situation in St. Louis wasn’t perfect by any means but it was comfortable. In those times, I’m trying to be grateful for the lessons I learned in St. Louis and the lessons I’m being taught here in Noblesville. I know God is using us here and is going to continue to do so. And oh, by the way, with our two youngest in preschool now, if you want to find me on any given Monday morning, you should check Panera Bread. I’ll be the guy doing Monday morning sermon prep for my Sunday sermons.

Also, sorry if this is too transparent…that’s kinda the way I roll.